Ganesha just looked me straight in the eye.  He didn’t say a word, but I knew what it meant. His stationary arms had as many realms of meaning as degrees of freedom.

I was reminded that I have no idea what I’m doing. It was the way that I started and intended to run this blog, but I’ve been distracted. Alcohol, music, cigarettes, adventures, this vice and that. They’ve kept me in an alternate area of my mind. I had blocked out most of reality for most of the time since August 2011. But the leak of reality is very real and it’s growing.

Where I’d rather be is known to many, only a little guilt and part of a degree is holding me back. It could very well be the greatest form of procrastination. Generally speaking, I hold off preparation of exams or commencement of any additional task. Maybe that’s what I’m trying to do with my life now.

I’ve always supposed that I would end up here. The Australian lifestyle is a place I could see myself, perfect environment for a wife and kids. But, for now, it is killing me.

I think its the so-called complacency; I have a family here. Nothing needs to work out; I have a space to fall back on if shit’s fucked. Overseas there was nothing; I could do something… anything; or be a lonely cunt for the entire duration; or worse, learn nothing.

But I did, so now I know, and it’s not that I regret it, because the equivalent of these experiences could never be lived over, but maybe I should have done it later. To save me from these potentially agonising 21 more months that are require for me to be an uninteresting professional civil engineer.

Good night.

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